making brownies

Today I'm going to make brownies for my host family.   We're going to leave in a few minutes to go to the grocery store.  There are many open food markets in Thailand where I usually shop.  But to get 'farang' food (farang means westerner, or if you're white that counts, too) I go to the grocery store 'Tesco Lotus'.  I'm pretty sure it's from England because I don't recognize it as American.  I'm gonig to get a brownie mix because I forgot all the ingredients at home and it's a lot to buy all at once.  Plus, while I was gonig to make it from scratch, lets be honest, they're never as good as the box mixes.   I don't know why, either.   Home made cake is way better, home made everything except brownies is way better.   No home meade brownies can beat some from a mix brownies.   What does pilsbury and betty crocker know that we don't?   It's a mystery of life.   And I'm making them in the microwave because THailand doesn't believe in owning ovens...I've only seen one or two ovens while being here.  Thailand cooks, not bakes.  It's interesting the small things that make such a big difference and how you don't even recognize something as your own culture until you visit another's culture.  Before coming here I never thought ovens were a western culture, I just figured everyone had an oven.  But it's not true, it's a culture thing.  It makes you think again about what is normal in life and what you take for granted as commonplace.  Everything is different here, not in big ways, but the little things seem significant, too.  Like how we shower, for instance.  My host sister, Stem, came to the hotel with me where I was going to a meeting for Peace Corps.  She had never seen a shower or a bathtub and thought it was the strangest thing.  ANd as funny as that seems, I did the same thing when I came here; I thought the bathrooms were so weird.

Just another day of life.

Today I'm in Ayutthya visiting my host family from Pre-Service Training--when I was here the first two and a half months.   I forgot just how much I love my host family and how good it feels to be home here.   It's amazing to me how quickly you can come to love people and how much you feel for them when they're away from you.   The last two weeks were kinda lonely and I felt so disconnected from everyone everywhere in every way.   And then I came back here and I feel so happy again.   I was starting to forget why I love Thailand as discouragement was starting to catch up with me.   I think before that life was just going to fast for me to realize I really am struggling with Thai more than I care to admit.   I'm doing fine for being here only 5 months, but that's just it, it's only been 5 months and with everything else I do I'm just not going to be that great with that much time.   But coming back here reminds me how far I've come and that speaking Isaan really is a lot lot lot lot lot lot harder than speaking THai and that I'm not so dumb afterall.   Central Thai is so much easier to understand and everyone tells me how much better I speak, and I feel like I speak better, too.   PLus, I've really come a long way in reading Thai and writing as well.   I used to read every day with the grandpa of the family when I lived here and he used to tell me that I read well, I just need to read more quickly.   ANd I thought to myself, I'm trying as fast as I can.   But today he said I've gotten so good and he was so proud of me.   And I was so happy.   I remember again that I love Thailand and I'm so grateful to be here.